Make them laugh. Sarcasm, puns, and real life truth bombs.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter.
Reality called, I hung up.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Confidence level: Kanye West.
Humble, with a hint of Kanye.
Diet starts tomorrow.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Relationship status: Pizza.
Joey doesn't share food.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Common sense is not that common.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Adulting is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.
It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.
We'll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
Friends don't let friends do silly things alone.
I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
You're the "she" to my "nanigans".